Left behind.. again

This dog of mine, Dama, just died this afternoon. He was not feeling well yesterday, he was restless and his back was very painful and was rather shaky suddenly so I brought him to the vet. The vets said that it was probably canine distemper. I never really saw a dog with it before or what- all I know is that my dog's vaccines were updated.. but I guess vaccines just don't work sometimes. So anyway they gave me all these medicines and told me to come back in a week's time. I brought him home and gave him some dog food and his favorite- fresh milk. He lapped the milk up but didn't touch the dog food, then slept. At around 10 pm I heard him crying so I came out and checked on him and gave him more blankets and the like, he wasn't looking too good. I talked to him for a while and told him it was ok to go if he needed to. He couldn't get up anymore this morning, so I kept coming out and seeing if he was still around and talking to him a bit and telling him not to worry so much. Then this afternoon around 4 pm I was studying in my room and wondering how he was and just kinda thinking about him in this way. I went to see him and he was gone. I had his body buried in our property already and have disinfected the whole place. Another friend, come and gone. He never was much of a dog in a sense that he was so gentle all the time, and even if he was a german shepherd, he was the calmest guy you'd ever meet. He hardly ever barked and welcomed everyone in. The only thing scary about him (to our neighbors/strangers) were his looks and size. Otherwise, this guy was a big puppy who loved milk and papayas- no joke.

You'll be missed Dama, but I know you're better off where you are now, and am happy you did not have to go through so much pain.

Death take 3

People must think I'm like .. morbid by now. All I think about is death. I just figure that .. it's something that needs to be thought about... and with all the deaths around me recently I can't help but think about it, and I think it's a good thing to be thinking of it, really.

Anyway. I'm kinda just spacing out right now trying to think of what to put in my reflection paper for school. It's my last one. bggzzzz

Longest Ninjai Gang Chapter

Death again

A good friend of my dad's just died a couple days ago. It's quite a shock. A shock to everyone. He was perfectly fine, was a health nut, and one morning.. BAM! Just like that, he's gone. His wife woke up, went to cuddle and realized he was gone. I'm sure she's utterly heart broken now.. this world's a bitch.

This always cracks me up.. it's kinda crude, but it's still funny

Of Life and death

And whilst the ugly face of death shall rise, will I cry in fear? Or will I know, I have a friend so dear, so near, one call and he'll be at my side.
Cold wisps of loneliness touch me not, for the warmth of my love shall hold me tight. Leave me alone, alone, in the happiness of true life. Yet, forget me not, as I hold onto yours, so true, so naught.

I know two people who died this month. One died of lung cancer - he only found out he had cancer a couple weeks before he died.. and the other, was even more sudden- a heart attack. In just a snap... they're gone.

It's always heart wrenching for me to think of losing someone- to death. It's such a painful thing- it's like, I would rather just die myself than have to go through all that. I wouldn't know what's worse- having to leave everyone behind and being the only person, or being left behind by someone you love so much and live for. It makes me think of what is really important in life? At my death bed, what will be important to me? Will I have wished I spent more time playing? Eating? Exercising? Really tho.. it always makes me think, what should I be doing, what should I spend most of my time doing while I'm here in this world, while I'm alive, while I have the strength to do things and tell other people I care about them, and love them... there's so many things I could do.

Sometimes I wonder, how much of my time do I just use for myself, and how much do I actually use for others? Is it really such a bad thing if I were to use a few hours or a few minutes of my time to do something for other people who love me, or who need my help? Do I really have to react with such angst and ... who knows what kind of crap all the time? What the hell IS wrong with me? I live my life basically for myself. Does that make me happy? Ha, not much. I'm always happier when I get to do things for other people and make other people happy somehow. So what's the real deal? Where to go? What to do? Where will I go, and what will I do when I've died? I don't want to lie down for eternity, bored to death. (Pun unintended) There's got to be something better to live for, and die for, I'm sure of it.

Just thinking of losing my parents, my siblings and certain other people really crushes me. Now there's someone new in my life, and the thought of losing him to death is utterly heartbreaking. I don't see how other people can be so strong even when they've lost their very life already. I guess it's just like... it's so painful you can't feel anything anymore.

Zeguri deals with death...